Chapter 3, too painful to look back on

At 2 PM, I finished work and was fortunate to have half a day off. After changing my clothes, I casually greeted a few people and left; today has truly been quite unfortunate. When I opened my bag to take out some money, I saw the neatly packaged tie and suddenly remembered that I hadn't called Song Lingwei yet. While I was ordering a bowl of dan dan noodles from a waiter who spoke with a strong Sichuan accent, I realized that my phone had long been out of service.

However, when I was young, I was always rather foolish, and my mother was always puzzled as to why, in a family of such intelligence, I happened to be the only silly daughter. When I argued with my brother, he would bring up my childhood antics to scold me, saying I was just following along like a fool. At that time, my mother even considered whether to adopt a son from the countryside, so that when they passed away, he could take care of me for the rest of my life, claiming it would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. This became a great joke among our relatives, and even as I grew up, some would still tease me about it, which nearly drove me to despair. Fortunately, it was just talk; otherwise, that person would have been doomed to a lifetime of misfortune with the Lin family.

These are merely a minuscule part of my memories, yet I cannot dwell on them any longer. I got up, turned on the bedside lamp, found the sleeping pills, and swallowed them without water, just with my saliva, then drifted off to sleep with the aid of the medication. I should rest well; I have to work tomorrow. As for the old matters, it is better not to think about them. In fact, there is nothing worth thinking about. I should rest well; I have to work tomorrow. As for the old matters, it is better not to think about them. In fact, there is nothing worth thinking about.

Such a large company weighs heavily on my shoulders; on the surface, it appears glamorous, yet underneath, it is filled with gloom. I surrendered and said, "So what do you want to do? Stroll the streets with you? It would be laughable to the point of losing one's teeth." He asked, "What do you do when you're feeling down?" I quickly replied, "Sleep!" He scolded, "Pig!" Of course, the only option is to sleep, under the influence of sleeping pills. I sighed and said, "Song Lingwei, I am afraid of you; can you show a bit of spirit? Forget it, forget it, I will take you somewhere." I got into the car with him and directed him to a place near where I live.

This was originally her responsibility, yet she passed it on to me, and she did not sincerely ask for help. With a sigh, although dissatisfied, I still hung everything up one by one, arranging them by number. After all, newcomers are bullied wherever they go; a sip of water would suffice. I went to the storeroom to drink water, and there she was, sitting with her legs crossed, chatting on the phone and laughing heartily. I reminded her, "Li Xin, the clothes on the model outside need to be changed." She shot me a glance and angrily replied, "Can't you see I'm on the phone? Can't it wait until later?" I suppressed my anger and left without even drinking the water. As I closed the door, I heard her say into the phone, "It's nothing, just a dimwit." I was furious; wasn't she clearly provoking me! I wanted nothing more than to rush in and slap her for daring to call me dimwitted!

He glanced at me twice before saying, "I happened to see you here while passing by, so I came in. By the way, where is the tie?" I was surprised and replied, "I gave it to your secretary; didn't she tell you?" He nodded to indicate that he was aware, saying, "She probably hasn't had the chance to tell you yet." He seemed to be in a rather bad mood, likely a residual effect of his earlier anger. Naturally, the secretary did not dare to provoke him at that moment. Seeing that I was about to leave, he asked, "Aren't you going to buy anything?" I shook my head and politely said goodbye to the young lady. He followed me out.

Having recharged my phone, it finally functioned normally. The mobile company is so snobbish; without money, they won't even pay you any attention! I held it in my hand and gave it a kiss, then closed my eyes, trying hard to recall a string of numbers I had seen yesterday. While eating noodles, I dialed one of the numbers, hoping I hadn't remembered it incorrectly. Fortunately, the call connected, and I heard the other party say "Hello." I cautiously asked, "Is this Song Lingwei?" He inquired, "Who is this?" I felt a sense of pride in my memory. I quickly straightened my posture and said, "I am Lin Ai. Here’s the thing, you left a tie at our store; are you coming to pick it up?" He replied, "No need." I said, "Alright," and immediately hung up the phone. Tch, if he doesn't want me to sell it online, at least I could have exchanged it for a meal.

When my father was still around, I never understood the benefits of money and did not know how to spend it. I would carry a large stack of hundred-yuan bills in my pocket all day, thinking they were just waste paper. As a child, I never realized I needed to ask for change when buying things, so it is no wonder others called me foolish. It was only after I entered middle school that I recognized the renminbi. However, at that time, there was no need to know; everything related to food, clothing, housing, and transportation was naturally taken care of by others. Fortunately, being so naive and muddled, knowing nothing at all, I was indifferent when the Lin family fell apart overnight, and I did not care much about the economic situation. Perhaps it is true that fools have their own blessings. Yet, a person inevitably changes; how could one not change?

She walked over somewhat reluctantly. I smiled and said, "These boots are so beautiful, I really want to buy them, but unfortunately I have no money. Trying them on for fun would be nice too." Seeing my friendly attitude, she also smiled and said, "You really have good taste; I like these boots very much too. They are so comfortable to wear. They are made of pure leather inside and out, and the design is the latest style, very popular this year." I smiled and asked, "Can I try them on?" She said it was no problem and asked me what size I needed, then ran off to the stockroom with a "thud thud thud" to find the boots. In fact, the salesperson is the most bored, spending the whole day at the counter. If you can chat with her and engage in some casual conversation, treating her as a friend rather than a deity, she would be more than willing to assist you.

Having eaten and drunk to my fill, I feel that all is sufficient; even if the sky were to fall, it would not crush me, for there are those taller than I. Moreover, it is merely the young master Song firing from behind the wall. I went downstairs and strolled leisurely along the street, feeling relaxed and at ease. The sunlight was pleasant, though the wind was a bit strong; however, I have grown accustomed to it, as it would be strange for Beijing not to have wind. I walked into a brand-name shoe store where the new boots had just been released. I was particularly fond of a pair of leather ankle boots, examining them from all angles. The salesgirl kept urging me to try them on, saying it was no problem. As I tried them on, I thought to myself that I often end up buying things after trying them on. I have always been thick-skinned; I would try them on and not buy them, leaving others staring at me as I walked away. However, this time I said, "I won't try them on; I didn't bring any money. If I try them on and they fit well, but I can't buy them, it will only make me feel bad." Yet, I lingered and turned to look at other shoes. Upon hearing that I had no money, the salesgirl immediately left me to my own devices. I didn't mind, as it spared me from having someone follow me around like a shadow, watching me closely.

What infuriated me even more was when she rushed in, flustered, and scolded me: "Mu Xi, I'm busy, can't you just help the model change clothes?!" I found this to be the most absurd thing; what does this have to do with me! Understanding that she was filled with anger, I calmly replied, "I went to the warehouse to ship goods." She continued to express her dissatisfaction, saying, "What kind of person are you? You take the commission but don't do the work!" It turned out it was still about money. In the past, I would have certainly given her a good beating for this. However, I sat there calmly, continuing to iron my clothes. I said gently, "I went to the warehouse to ship goods." She again expressed her discontent, saying, "What kind of person are you? You take the commission but don't do the work!" It turned out it was still about money. In the past, I would have certainly given her a good beating for this. However, I sat there calmly, continuing to iron my clothes.

After thinking for a moment, I went to the newsstand outside and asked, "Boss, one mobile recharge card, please." He asked if I wanted one for 100 or 50. Biting my lip, I inquired, "Do you have one for 30?" He flipped through and said he did. I sighed in relief and handed over a 50. That was all the money I had left, and I still needed to pay for my meal later. I received the change and called out, "How much is this 30 recharge card?" The boss replied, "32." I was furious, repeatedly saying it was too expensive. The boss said, "Miss, this is the price everywhere. If you think it's too high, then buy the 50, which is 50, or the 100, which is 99." I leaned on my waist and pressed, "Wasn't it always 31 before?" He responded with a "Hey," and I took my change and called out again, "How much is this 30 recharge card?" The boss said, "32." I was furious, repeatedly saying it was too expensive. The boss said, "Miss, this is the price everywhere. If you think it's too high, then buy the 50, which is 50, or the 100, which is 99." I leaned on my waist and pressed, "Wasn't it always 31 before?" He responded with a "Hey," and said, "That was many years ago!" As I walked back, I muttered to myself, "These days, everything is getting more expensive, except for people!"

I was led into the 25th floor and subjected to several rounds of questioning. A person who looked like a secretary said to me, "President Song just went in for a meeting, please wait outside." Her expression was not very pleasant, and I had neither provoked nor offended her; was it really necessary to treat me this way? Upon closer observation, it seemed that everyone on the floor had a similarly grim expression. I quietly asked a person next to me, "Hey, what happened? Why does everyone look like they are facing a disaster?" He shrugged and said, "It really is a disaster." Suddenly, I heard loud voices coming from inside. I observed closely, and it seemed that everyone on the floor had a similarly grim expression. I quietly asked a person next to me, "Hey, what happened? Why does everyone look like they are facing a disaster?" He shrugged and said, "It really is a disaster." I suddenly heard loud voices coming from inside, with a very unpleasant tone. I raised my eyebrows and asked, "What kind of disaster are we talking about?" The person humorously gestured with his hand, mimicking a beheading motion, and mouthed, "The boss!" It turned out that Young Master Song was throwing a fit. Realizing the situation, I wisely chose not to get involved and found the previous secretary, saying, "Miss, this is a tie that President Song asked me to deliver. Could you please give it to him later?" She asked if I had paid for it, and I quickly replied that I had, and then I slipped away in a hurry.

Unlike my brother, he has always been the favored one. When my father was alive, he could have whatever he wanted. My father scolded him for being unambitious, yet he did not intervene much. He said that the entire Lin family would eventually belong to him anyway, so it did not matter how he squandered it; he would learn his lesson when the time came. Little did he know, before that future arrived, the Lin family had already fallen. At that time, my brother did not take the college entrance examination; instead, he went to Myanmar to gamble, losing over 10 million. My father turned a blind eye to it. My father was very perceptive about these matters. Even in death, he never appeared flustered. One night, the Lin family faced a sudden upheaval, and my brother must have felt particularly distressed. The Lin family suddenly fell, and he suffered the most. The world is full of the warmth and coldness of human relationships, and the fickleness of society; he fell from the clouds in an instant, enduring the disdain of everyone around him. Thus, he vowed to make a name for himself and bring glory to the family. How does one make a name for oneself and bring glory to the family? Ultimately, it comes down to money. Therefore, I have always disagreed with his methods. I have never been fixated on money; after all, I never had much of a concept of it before.

After taking a round, I still found that the original pair of boots looked good. I glanced at the price and realized that even if I sold several large items, I still couldn't afford them. After some consideration, I thought that when the weather turns cold, these boots should go on sale. So, if I start saving money from now on, wouldn't I be able to buy them? I shook my head, feeling that I was truly crazy for a pair of shoes. However, I really liked them, so I said to the saleswoman, "I would like to try on these boots." I shook my head again, thinking that I was indeed crazy for a pair of shoes. But I really liked them, so I said to the saleswoman, "I would like to try on these boots."

The store manager came in to check the inventory, and she quickly silenced herself, pretending to take a sip of water, then hurriedly left. The store manager smiled and said, "Mu Xi, you are quite capable. We made such a big sale yesterday; we don't have to worry about completing our targets for this month." I replied, "Hey, just lucky. Manager, as always, I take 80% and you take 20%, but I urgently need cash right now. Can you give me my commission in advance?" She shook her head, saying, "No, that's not allowed by the company policy." I gritted my teeth and paused before saying, "Manager, if you give me cash right now, then I will take 70% and you can have 30%." She looked at me for a moment and then said, "I'll give it to you tomorrow. I'll cover you for now; I don't have that much on me today." I nodded and said, "Thank you, Manager! I will work hard!" Thank her? She is so ungrateful!

She said, "What should we do? Will he remember to come and get it?" I shook my head and replied, "I don't know, but he left his phone number." She walked to the fitting room to change into her work clothes, her voice carrying from afar: "Then remember to call him to let him know to come and get it." I had planned to do that anyway; I just wanted to change the subject. It is still early, I will call later. Then I got busy checking inventory, restocking, receiving goods, and distributing items. I wiped the sweat from my brow and stepped out, when Li Xin shoved a large pile of clothes into my hands, smiling enthusiastically, "Mu Xi, can you help me out?" That smile was extremely blinding, and I was taken aback, unable to catch them in time before she let go. A few sweaters fell to the ground, and she didn't pay any attention, not bothering to lend a hand, and turned to leave. I held the clothes tightly, bending down with difficulty, tilting my body to the side, and by the time I managed to pick up all the clothes, I was already drenched in sweat. A few sweaters fell to the ground, and she didn't pay any attention, not bothering to lend a hand, and turned to leave. I held the clothes tightly, bending down with difficulty, tilting my body to the side, and by the time I managed to pick up all the clothes, I was already drenched in sweat

During the high school entrance examination, I gained admission to the best high school in the province based on my own abilities. Others always assumed that I had used my family's wealth to secure a spot, as everyone knew we were well-off. When the acceptance letter arrived at our home, even my mother couldn't believe it. She examined it from every angle, confirming it wasn't a fake, and repeatedly remarked that I was just lucky. She even went out of her way to ask my father if he had used any connections. My father waved his hand dismissively and proudly declared that Lin Demin's daughter is simply intelligent. It was only then that my mother stopped calling me foolish. In truth, I merely had a late awakening; there is a saying, 'great talents mature late'.

She stood up and took two steps, feeling her back straighten. She repeatedly praised, "People who are beautiful look good in anything they wear." I chuckled and said, "Where is the beauty? You are the one who looks beautiful." She was overjoyed by my compliment and said, "If you want these boots, I can give you a discount using my employee card." I shrugged and replied, "How can I afford them!" She didn't insist too much, only saying, "It's fine, these boots will definitely be on sale in a month, you can come back to buy them then." I felt a bit tempted, and we exchanged phone numbers. Just as I was taking off the boots, someone pushed the door open, and the wind chime jingled. She hurried to greet the customer. It was a bit difficult to take off the boots, and as I changed my shoes and stood up, holding the boots in my hand, I said, "Oh, I left these boots here." Looking up, I was taken aback for a moment and quickly smiled, saying, "Song Lingwei, what are you doing here?" This is a women's shoe store; he surely wouldn't come to buy shoes.

He had not finished a bowl of noodles when his phone rang: "Where are you now?" I replied that I was eating at a snack place in Chengdu. He said, "Then please bring the tie to the company, I need to change it urgently." I hurriedly drank two big mouthfuls of soup, even swallowing the cilantro that I disliked the most. Following the address, I found the place, but the automatic glass door hit me, and my arm hurt a bit. I took the elevator up, and the glass door was tightly shut, with a password lock beside it. I glared at the people inside, feeling somewhat frustrated. Now what should I do? I don't know the password, and I can't even get in. I can't just shout in the office building; they would think I'm crazy.

Early the next morning, I felt a bit dizzy as I went to work. I was the first to arrive, opened the glass door of the counter, and while cleaning, I found a tie in the corner of the cash register. The tag had already been torn off, and I suddenly remembered it was bought by Song Lingwei. There were too many items last night, and in a hurry to leave, such a small item could easily have been left behind. As Li Xin pushed the door open, she came in and asked me, "Mu Xi, I heard you made a big sale last night, equivalent to our monthly salary." She displayed a look of both envy and jealousy. I quickly replied, "Oh, it was just luck, a blind cat stumbling upon a dead mouse." She lamented, "If I had known, I would have stayed a bit longer at work." According to the rules, this commission was originally supposed to be hers, so it was no wonder she felt a bit resentful. I smiled and changed the subject, saying, "A customer left behind a tie last night." Then I handed it to her to see.

Feeling quite distressed, someone came out, and I seized the opportunity to slip inside. Upon reaching the front desk, the young lady called out to me and asked, "Miss, how may I assist you?" I replied that I was looking for Song Lingwei. She scrutinized me with a doubtful gaze and inquired if I had an appointment. I was extremely impatient; it wasn't as if I was about to meet the emperor, yet I had to endure her questioning! I replied curtly, "Song Lingwei sent me." She immediately changed her demeanor and smiled, saying, "Oh, so it was Mr. Song who sent you. His office is not on this floor; it is on the 25th floor." Zhonghong is quite wealthy, occupying four floors of office space.

When I was young, my father would tell me stories about his youth, mentioning that he had been imprisoned and had endured hardships, while my mother accompanied him through it all. At that time, my father was already somewhat older and had gained some weight, yet he was still quite handsome, resembling someone who could be in advertisements. My mother, on the other hand, usually did not wear makeup and carried herself like a noblewoman. After his release from prison, he started his business with counterfeit cigarettes and alcohol, and with the right timing, the Lin family became prosperous very quickly, to the point of being described as having become wealthy overnight. I now think that there must have been tax evasion and similar issues at that time, which eventually led to their downfall, as they were later pursued relentlessly. During my childhood, we moved around frequently, renting other people's houses, with a record of moving eight times in one year. However, I have no memories of this; these are stories my mother told me to educate me, emphasizing the importance of remembering hardships and being grateful, as well as being vigilant in times of peace. By the time I started school and began to remember things, we already had a nanny and a driver at home.

In fact, I originally had an older sister, but she passed away when she was about ten years old. Later, my brother and I were born, which could be considered as having children in old age, and I was the youngest child. My father was a typical authoritarian at home, and no one dared to oppose him. When he was angry, he would beat my brother severely, leaving him bruised and battered, and my brother didn't even dare to cry. In his rage, he would smash the television and the refrigerator, and no one would dare to say a word. My mother also allowed him to smash things, saying that it was his money, so he could do as he pleased. This continued for a long time. However, ever since I was born, whenever I cried, he would immediately calm down and gently pat my back to comfort me. I remember crying as a child, saying, "Daddy, I'm scared!" After that, he stopped smashing the television. My mother said I was spoiled by my father.

He asked me where I was going. I said it was rare to have a holiday, so I would just wander around and asked him where he wanted to go. He sighed and said, "I want to go everywhere, yet I don't want to go anywhere." Seeing his expression, I couldn't help but say, "Song Lingwei, don't be so gloomy and frowning, alright? Did I owe you money?" He suddenly joked, "I don't owe you money, but I do owe someone!" I scolded, "If you want to die, just say it! If you have the mood to joke, then I'm leaving." He grabbed my arm and said, "Lin Ai, don't go, I'm really in a bad mood today." I replied bluntly, "What use is it for you to find me when you're in a bad mood? Did I owe you money?" He suddenly joked again, "I don't owe you money, but I do owe someone!" I scolded, "If you want to die, just say it! If you have the mood to joke, then I'm leaving." He grabbed my arm again and said, "Lin Ai, don't go, I'm really in a bad mood today." I said without courtesy, "What use is it for you to find me when you're in a bad mood? Go find someone else to have fun with!" He said, "Where do I have the time to get to know other people?!" I scoffed and said, "That has nothing to do with me." He complained, "Lin Ai, we are at least acquaintances, is this how you treat me?"

I sat resting on the cushion. She handed me her boots and said, "I wouldn't have guessed, you look quite tall, yet you wear size 30 shoes." I laughed and replied, "What can I say, my feet are small." She glanced at me and said, "Hmm, your feet are very beautiful." I pretended to be surprised and said, "You can tell even with me wearing socks?" She seemed a bit proud and said, "This is my line of work; if I can't tell, I might as well not be in it." I complimented her a couple more times at the right moment. She eagerly knelt down to adjust the straps on my boots. I thought to myself, this is the treatment one gets when coming here as a wealthy patron.

Do not bother with someone like her, just take the keys to the storage and the trailer, and go directly to the storage to deliver goods, keeping a distance from that mad dog. By the time I returned, there were already customers, and the model had not changed her clothes yet. Whatever, it’s none of my business. I went inside to iron the trench coat, and before long, Zhu Zhu came in with her bag; she was on the evening shift today. She took off her coat and said to me, "What happened to Li Xin today? The store manager is scolding her. I rushed inside to iron the trench coat, and before long, Zhu Zhu came in with her bag; she was on the evening shift today. She took off her coat and said to me, 'What happened to Li Xin today? The store manager is scolding her, saying that the customers have already arrived, and the model hasn’t changed her clothes yet.' I quickly distanced myself from it, saying, 'I don’t know, I’ve been ironing clothes all along.' Serves her right!